SCHOOLS OUT FOR SUMMER!

OMG it has been forever it seems since I have made an entry! So much has gone on in the last month..where to even begin?

Well school is out for me..and summer vacation is here! I was so ready for a break from my Truancy position! A few short months ago I was actually ready to resign.....NO don't be shocked I say I am DONE every year around feb/march/april....because that to me is the busiest time of year. And the most emotionally drainging!!

I get to the point when I get sick of hearing the same stuff over and over. To have my job or any job in this field or directly related you MUST have some thick skin and a hardened hart I have been told. OMG I want to flip out on people when they tell me that!!! What the hell!

If I had a hardened heart how could I be any good at my job? Honestly? How could I? I CANNOT BE!!!!!!!! Some of my clients have raised themselves for years, have druggy parents who spend their life focused on drugs and their next fix instead of their children, kids who are neglected, abused-physically, verbally and sexually by their parents, family or family friends. Clients who are emotionally beyond my reach (and that kills me), clients who have or have had parents in jail or prison, many who are or have thought that they were or have been preggo and lost their babies both by man and by nature.

Many clients who just want someone to love them, show that they are worthy, someone to count on. SOMEONE!!! You all have NO idea how this kills me! I literally have tears right now this very second I am typing!!!!!!

I know I cannot save the world. I know that I cannot save every child I work with. I know that not everyone wants to be saved. I know that I cannot always reach every child I work with or come into contact with. I know that I as one person cannot. But I know that me, ME as ONE person can make a difference! Even if it is in only one childs life. It is worth all that I do! All the hell that I put myself through. It is worth the emotional upset!

So on this REALLY bad day, the day that I had a case of a child and Mother who just disappeared into thin air..many hours and days of searching, calls, etc I was told by someone (state job) that there really isn't anything that you can do...just wait to see if you hear anything. WHAT?!?! OMG I hate that! NO I don't want to wait! I want you to act NOW. Do something NOW! This really bad day was actually weeks later...about 3 to be percise. I had all this build up of emotional crap because I felt as though I am not good enough in my job...I cannot locate this Child and his Mother..and I was ready to give up!!!

So I sit in my office typing up my resignation. When all of a sudden from out of no where this person appears sitting in the chair in front of my desk saying "Well hello there stranger, how are you? I wanted for so long to stop and talk to you. I wanted to thank you for all that you do. I want to thank you for making a difference in MY life" She continued to tell me that my job and the work I do is very important. She also said that even though I may have not been able to help her immediately then....that I have helped her in years after I worked with her (insert more HUGE tears here)...that she is so grateful for all of that I do for all the kids I work with and all that I did for her because I CARE!!!!!!!! Did you hear that she said I care! I cared for her! I still care for her and each and every child I have ever worked with. She proceeded to tell me that she did have a child shortly after I dismissed her case...she did get her GED (I had that court ordered), but that she is doing well! She is a single mom who is attending college classes and working full time making almost 2x minimum wage and is trying to make a difference with her life and her childs life. She said I knew I could do it because you told me I could! You believed in me when no one else did she said, ugh can you believe it she let me make a difference in her life..she let me in long enough to teach her a few small things that would make a HUGE impact on her life!

At that point....she is still in my office and still talking about her beautiful baby and all the glorious reasons why it is such a great thing to be a Mother that I looked to my puter screen, glanced at the resignation. My mind drifted for a few seconds...thinking of this is why, this is why I do the job, this is why I care, and this is why I try...I hear her voice still speaking and I try to not show how emotional this is really making me! I try extremely hard to not cry in front of her. I try so hard! I wanted to just scream out my emotions...it was so difficult not to cry...I just smiled at her. At that moment she stopped smiling as if she knew what I was thinking...like she was reading my mind literally as I thought...and she smiled as she tilted her head as to say...I know! And at that very moment we just sat there smiling at each other feeling so complete until I looked down and saw my puter screen one last time. Within a split second I reached for the puter mouse and clicked the X. When the screen came up asking me do I want to save the new file...I looked at her smiled again and thanked her SO much for coming to tell me these things that she has NO idea how much it means to me to hear her say those wonderful things and I clicked DO NOT SAVE!!!

Then she was gone. As I sit there I felt so good. I just sat there thinking of one million and one things every second when I notice a teacher walk by my door..who turned back and was staring at me...he asked "everything ok?" and I say with a smile "yes, yes everything is ok, it couldn't be any better"

It is so hard! But to have one person come forth and tell me that I have made a difference makes it all worth it! And for now I will try my best to enjoy the vacation I have. Because I know that in 6mos I will be right back in the emotional hoopla of saying "why do I do this?" to only recall this very moment, this very conversation I had with this young Mother and to think to myself I know why!

Well if you all are still reading this I am amazed! LOL honestly I am amazed that you could listen to my long story! If you are still reading this you must be as caring as I! Why do you ask would I know you are as caring? Because this is not what alot of people want to hear..only the people who care and who try to make a difference would continue to read this! So with that said THANK YOU!!!! Thank you for caring!

Just remember that you NEVER know who you will make a difference in! So never give up trying. Never give up your compassion, efforts thoughts words and prayers because YOU can make a diffenece!!!