Man I am in a rut today! I woke up with my mind on a million things and can't stop! Some good some bad. But the bad have me in a funk. I am not depressed just thinking too much about some things. Wishing others. Hoping others. I need to make a change in my life and it needs to be soon. Not sure how much more crap I can take. I am trying to be strong. And usually do really good. But somedays are harder than others.

Got news that an old friends husband was killed in a plane crash yesterday morning. Not sure of much right now. Will update another day when I have more info....this song is for you---->

Looked at my schedules and I see I have 2 days off for the next 3wks, WTF!! Ugh!! Oh wait 3. Sunday and then two weeks until I have 2 days off when I take the boys to the big movie.

I worked this morning/afternoon..just got home for a bit. Then back to work for a double.

My cousin is in town for his 20th school reunion. Been fun having him around. He is so excited to see his old friends tonight and tomorrow.

Have a ton of things I should be doing right now...want to get a resume printed and updated...maybe be able to move if things work out the way I want them to. Lawn work. Laundry. Dishes. Sweeping. Taxi. Work. Court reports. Phone calls. Filing. The list goes on and on...and I just want to relax a bit. Maybe take a nap. I am so tired from getting up at 5:30 every morning then going to bed late.

You would think that I would lose some of this fat/weight...but NOOOOOOOOO! Cuss words! Cuss words!!! I have to be careful how I lose weight...if I just don't eat as much...I am always in fear that I will have an eating disorder. I have before. Parents wanted to hospitalize me when I was a teen...seems as though it's very easy to fall back in to for peeps that have had them before too. Or for me it was excessive exercising and then not eating. Example: I would eat a half of candy bar and a can of pop for the entire week and work out for 3-4 hours a day.

But for years I was good. I weighed in well...103 and I am 5'3" but that is my "healthy weight" Felt very healthy. And then now I am the largest I have ever been in my entire life and feel sick all the time, no energy and when I do it goes fast. That's when I know it's time to start working out again. But again I have NO time. I love to work out. It makes me feel so good. So energetic. Healthy. Now I could lose 20+ LBS! Hate having nothing to wear but "my" fat clothes.

I have talked to numerous friends who say they will do a "biggest loser" with me. Everyone put in the pot $50. It would be 3mo long and who ever loses the most wins the jackpot. Cool huh. Ya well here we are months later and no one is still doing it.

I have another friend that is going to open a Any Time Fitness club...well talk of it at this point I think...that would be perfect for me! I could go when I can. Wish it was now.

Well I have wasted an 45min online already...gotta go and get on those tasks! Have a great day!