Self portrait....I have been gone way tooooo long from here. I miss not getting out what I need to get out. The past several months there has been so much going on in my life. Good. Bad. Happy. Sad. You name it.

Today is a sad day. I got word my friends Mother passed away yesterday. She was young and had battled Stage 4 Lung Cancer for 30 months. My thoughts and prayers are with him and his family. Love you all Steve-ooo!

It also reminds me of my other friend whos Mother is also just been given word that she has about a month to live. They just found 3 more tumors in her body. It has been difficult for us to visit under the circumstances. When she told me we cried, hugged, talked and all 3 over again. Love you A!!

Just when we think our lives are bad we are easily reminded that life just really isn't as hard as we think. Let me tell you I have a LOT of things on my mind. My emotions have been up and down. I had to end a relationship with someone I truly loved. There were things said and done that are just not forgivable. And what he once had told me I should not put up with behaviors, etc from my X or anyone else. I soon had fallen victim to him behaving in very similar ways and often. And I had promised my self that when I left the man I loved for 17 years for treating me this way and more I would not allow myself to get into another relationship that ever made me feel the way he did. And here I found myself exactly that way. there was also major distance which made it really hard. Gosh there is numerous other things but I dont have the time to go into it now..and well honestly I am in a latte shop and dont need to break down as I express my feelings in this entry.

But I must move on. I am not broke down and sad, etc like most chicks are at the end of a relationship. Call me cold hearted...or what ever?! I dont know. But it is almost like I trick my mind into thinking there is no pain in the heart. I consume my time with things that make me happy. Stay busy and work, work, work! And work out. I know in my mind that ending the relationship was the best thing at this time for me. I think if it was like this now..what would it be like in 5 years. 10 years when I have really invested my life and future with him and what would it be like then. Well after being with a ma for 17 years who started out the very same way..it scares the hell out of me to invest ANY more time in that relationship. KWIM. If he truly loved me he never would have said and did the things he did. And I deserve more than that!!!! He knows it. But he is having a tough time dealing with it I think.

It is really hard when I say I do not want to talk to you, text you, basically NO contact with the person and I am bombarded with calls, texts, IM's, etc..and I feel he does not respect me then. And honestly felt as though it went above and beyond and to the point that if it were anyone else I would have done something more drastic. OK I have to stop!!

I have also been busy with work. I had a wedding session this past weekend. And the weekend before I had a session at a dog spa..that was so fun!! OMG so fun! I will try to get photos up on the photo blog sometime in the next couple weeks. I am burried in editing, proofing, printing, etc for the past 5 sessions. Not to mention my regular work.

I drove to Redwood Falls, MN on Monday the 23rd for my first job interview on a new and exciting chapter in my life. It looks good. Sounds good. And I can't wait for the next couple of weeks and watch things unfold...including my life...and where it is headed. I am excited for it all. I am so ready for a change. My life and sanity needs it right now.

Oh and I am back to my normal blonde color! Woohoooooo I am back! I love it! I feel so good with my hair..despite the fact that my body is telling me I am not taking care of me..and is slowly crashing. I will have to soon cave and seek out medical attention before it is to late.

I travel again on Monday. I will be in Hugo for the day. I have been putting so many miles on the past few weeks. Here again I can't wait for the change in my life that is already beginning to unfold in front of my eyes.

Friday is a big day. It is closing day. And then the future life begins.....please pray for me and my boys...our future and our happiness!

God bless and I love you all.....if there is even anyone who checks in here, LOL.

P'man and C.Spahner...wish you two the best. It has been so long.....PS lots to catch up on...when you two coming to kidnap me for a drink???? I really need it!!! A night to just unwind, have fun and enjoy it with great chat, good friends, laughing, jokes and more! I so miss our Benson days! Love ya