OMG....I am so happy! I had a SURPRISE at work today!!!!!! It was the absolute BEST surprise anyone could have done for me. And what great timing ;) (for those of you who know me and what I have been dealing with right now)



Ahhhh can you hear the happy screams?



Ok, ok so here it goes...the surprise! I will set it up for you so listen up



I was walking into another room when I see a person peek around the corner. It was a familiar face. It was Ruthie baby...aka ruth a former co-worker, the mother of a VERY dear friend from my past whom we shared a lot of good and one BIG bad experience together. So I stop to say **HI** but wait....as I am speaking of how happy I am to see her...she had THIS look. I can't explain it but I KNEW exactly what the look was! We both started to cry and I literally ran across the room toward her....when another person peeped her beautiful head around the corner. OMG! OMG! It was SHEILA!! Ahhhhhhhh! All three of us screamed and cried...hugged and it was SO very good to see her. My dear friend.



I have not seen her in about 3yrs. The last time before that was about 5yrs. Sheila lives in Florida now. She moved there about 7yrs ago. And was in Alabama for a few years prior to moving to fl. No kids. Her and her DH are so in love

It is prolly not a good thing that it is almost 10am and I am ready for bed,lol. That's what not sleeping does for you. Oh well.

I checked in at 2ps..I have so missed being active there. I have been checking in frequently for the past few weeks. I check the daily bloggers most every day..and leave a comment on EVERY blog I read...that's just ME. I am still frustrated with some of the blogspots though. There are a selected few that when I click post a comment the screen just keeps refreshing and the end result is that I just have to "x" out of it and not comment.

But this morning on the ****Good --- Morning**** thread...#hijack...hi pubsters;) end hijack#... I loved that Peg http://twopeasinabucket.kaboose.com/userprofile.asp?user_id=6660 shared a huge list of healthier lunchbox foods! Check here to see her post about the lunches...http://twopeasinabucket.kaboose.com/mb.asp?cmd=display&thread_id=2336809

Oooo and check out Deanna's http://deannathompson.blogspot.com/ blog entry...LOL about an email she got from a friend..it is so freakin funny!!

I can't hardly believe that school is just 3wks away! OMG where did the summer go?

OK it is now almost 11am and I have done nothing but surg! Gotta get off this hiney ;)

UGHHHH I can't sleep!! I have been surfing/shopping and of course can't find anything. AE, AF, GAP, Glik's all suck for online stores. The later is the worst. I thought I would make it easier on my self and do some school shopping online, ya right. I am so over it.

Guess what LA INK was on tonight, Ahhhh! Freakin awesome right!!! I love Kat. I love the show and am so happy for this chick! I will say that I still love Ami though ;)

I got into bed at about 1am...the couch was giving me a sore neck. I fell asleep watching LA Ink. So when I woke to a stiff neck I went to the bed...where I couldn't sleep! I couldn't shut my mind off of a tattoo. Been trying to design one for a specific area for about 9mo now. Just can't get it to my liking. I am very specific and have a vision of what I want. But I have never had as difficult of a time translating my visions to paper/drawing before that I have been having with this particular tatt. Go figure.

Ohhh and Big Brother was on. Haven't been watching it..ugh duh..always working,lol. But got to see it tonight. I so love the show. My dear friend is possessed with me being on this show and on Survivor. In a heart beat Tracy ;)

I have the day off today...I think. I really need to get some truancy work done but am honestly burnt with that job. And of course Heather has the girls today and tomorrow so I don't doubt where they'll be. With me. So not much of a day off...I associate a day off with some relaxation. Not sure what that is at this point. Am I even allowed to do that?

Ms MJ talked to me on the phone today....this baby is so freakin awesome!!!! I woo uuu osh she said....I love you most, ugh melt my heart and make me cry! LOL! She was at Aunt M's but desperately wanted to be with me....Oooo housh for your house.

I had called M for the low down on a local boutiqe I love. Owner is retiring but one of the employees bought her out. Thought it was one of M's daycare mother. But sadly it wasn't. They are having a major blow out sale...have my eye on the most beautiful skirt. Of course it is in my favorite color aqua and has some amazing stitching/swirls and some funky flowers out of stitching and white material..hard to explain. But reminds me of scrapbooking...it's fun, funky and so ME! Hope they have some left and in my size? The original price was about $150 so I am hoping it is drastically reduced so that I may justify buying it. M said that L said they are cutting everything in store up to 75% off, heck ya I am so there!

Sigh...I think I am finally sleepy enough to hit the couch again? Not enough to sleep so not enough to hit the bed. ugh.

Ciao

What a morning....do you ever wake up in the morning and have an instant anxiety attack. Seriously from the second you open your eyes you are in a state of shock. Thinking OMG what time is it. OMG the power went out. Ahhh...the alarms didn't go off...Jon Paul is late for work.

That was my wake up this morning. See the battery operated clock that sits on my lingerie chest...ya ugh, huh that says 7:26am. He was to be at his job this morning at 7:30...which is 20 minutes away from home. Ahhhhh!!!! Thank goodness his boss is my cousin! BUT my H and I have told the cousin that even though he is relation he must still treat our son as any and every other employee. So that he learns responsibilities, natural consequences, etc...good work ethics, KWIM.

So DS called his "boss" and informed him he would be about 15 minutes late. We both were running around the house scrambling to find shoes,etc. I could not find the sandals I wanted, my make up bag...omg me go in a store without make up on...had to get gas and I capp or I wouldn't make it home,lol. Finallywe're out the door and I drive like a mad woman. At one time I hit 76mph....oh i hate to speed!!!! But we made it there and he was 14 minutes late.

I got my capp and some gas. Got home...checked in at 2ps...then the tuesday bloggers...and now I am here. Whew what a morning! LOL. Now that I am sipping my capp and surfing life is good. LOL. Not tense.

I have numerous hearings this late afternoon. One particular case I am not thrilled with! I swear some people I just will never understand!!!!! I have worked with this client for 2yrs and despite all my countless hours, work and efforts not to mention the social workers, counselors and in home counselors...ALL of our efforts have FAILED. Ugh...I hate it when I feel like I have failed a kid!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Makes me hate my job. Makes it feel so worthless, kwim. Honestly I just can't understand this family. They have been give WAY TOOOOOO many chances and have not progressed with anything in 2yrs of services. Ugh. So with my report to the Judge it was 2 pages long and in the end I did not even make a recommendation.....the first EVER report without my recommendations at the bottom. But I explained why. Now it is in his hands. Because I will tell you that the social worker and I are completely baffled at the perplexity of this case. So I an tensed about this one.....we'll see how it goes.

Hopefully I will be done with court cases by 4:30 and back home by 5pm for an evening at home. I love tuesdays...usually home in the mornings and evenings. Well sort of. Last week no. The week before no. And today I should be in the office preparing letters to clients but I just don't feel like it. I am so burnt with my jobs right now. I blame it on my stressed life, working both jobs and NO break from the one like I am supposed to have (summers off) I am tired. And it will not slow down till October 1st. I think tomorrow will be my 8th day off since end of April-Beginning of May. But you know how it is you usually work on your days off any how or at least I do.

Can't believe that school is almost here. I have not begun to think of school shopping...maybe will have to just shop local this year?! Love the clothes at Gliks so maybe will just have to get the boys stuff from there only...they have the shoes they love in there too. So looking like it will be my alternative to going out of town. I got a flyer in the mail last week and their fall fashions look sweet. I was in there a week ago and they have this HOT new hoody/zip up that is two tone tan with the darker tan being a skull/cross bones and I LOVEEEEEE it! Think I may go back and get it?!

I was thinking that I may design some messenger style bags for work this year. Love them for my files and laptop...hate the big ars laptop briefcase things...enormous. I have my heart set on a pink/black/white one with skull/crossbones and the eyes being flowers...how freakin cool would that be!! So rad! Obviosly I won't use that one for a court day but when visiting the schools I could. Ooooo BUT there was this young HS girl at work yesterday that had a GAP tan one that was SO HOT! If we go out of town for school shopping I MUST go to gap and buy one...ooo maybe I can go online too! Eeeks getting excited...hope I can find one!

Speaking of schools I get to start traveling to Bemidji again this year, argh! I got a new file 2wks ago. Not excited! Well maybe. I did miss out on lunches with my dear friend at the end of the school year last year when my clients were either in treatment or juv'y. So that will be a plus...oh and on the days she can't eat with me...I give myself my lunch hour to go to Targe Boutiqe..love it!

I have a few hours this morning that I hope to sit down and find some mojo to create a LO or two?!?!! Not feeling the juices just yet though :( Not feeling to much like an artist lately and I so very much miss that! 3mo ago I would wake up in the middle of the night with some amazing ideas and have my journal next to me to draw sketches,etc of my thoughts or while driving down the road...or sitting at my desk have amazing ideas. Now I am lucky to just sit at my scrap desks and look at my pics, pencils, etc I hate that.

Quote for the day: "if you obey all the rules you will miss out on all the fun" Katherine Hepburn

My thought for the day: If you consume your life with your work it really isn't YOUR life...it is your work...so take your life back and make the most of it. I doubt that if you were to die tomorrow you wish you had worked harder! Some peeps I know can take this to heart ;)

OK thats it for now....off to start laundry, dishes then pick up a few things. Shower & get ready. Then hopefully find an hour or so to sit down and find some creative mojo. Anyone willing to share any;0

thanks for stopping by and I hope you have a spectacular day!!!!!!!!!

The reunion yesterday was so much fun. Everything went pretty well...minus the bees, Alex getting kicked in the face and having a shoe print on his tooth/gums and bloody,ew. The kids had a blast.

I missed Jon being there...he didn't go because he was upset with me. Momma finally blew a gasket sat morning. He was a doll and cooked pancakes for everyone...but made such a huge mess, had major attitude/very disrespectful (sees dad do it and figures what the heck..) and had several other messes around the house. Not little ones either. Like bringing his tv into my scrapbooking room and had xbox hooked to it...then playing it and recording videos for internet....I DON'T THINK SO!! Many more...but it's over. I can't go back..only forward. I have appologized and we have talked about the issues. But still saddens me.

Here are some photos of yesterday. Can't upload a bunch..my uncle and his kids are in a lot of them....they chose a few years ago that they did not want their faces in the mags/books or online for privacy reasons, KWIM. So I can't share with you all...boogie..I'll have to burn you a disc so you can get the rest;)

1)There are some cute ones...poor Andrew is bombarded by the kids every get together..I think they all love it..even him. 12 kids vs 1 man. Hmm not good odds,LOL.

2) Val N MJ looking at the baby sunny's and perch.

3) Jessman w MJ...she was trying to get her hair wet

4)Girls playing in sand making castles,etc poor Ashley forgot her swimsuit in our main BR and had to swim in her clothes..refused to put on shorts even...little schtinker

5) Boogie woogie you look so cute

6) Ely walking along shore splashing.

7)Ely having a blast in the water.

8) Kobe was so tired but he wouldn't dare to leave the swimming area where all the kids were.

9) Boogie (teri) & I...love you love me swak I looked like crappola...I had NO time..getting 6 kids ready, plus preparing food for the reunion, grocery store, ugh the dog poohing on the floor..MJ chasing the dog..the list goes on and all this before 11am, ugh I am tired just typing it!

10) Not sure what this little man was trying to do....LOL but was too cute to pass up a photo op.











Ugh I am so tired tonight...I worked a double again today. I swear sometimes I work with some idiots. I'll leave it at that!! Don't need to blow another gasket. Last night I will say was interesting though...LOL. So a CW aka co-worker was obviously having a "bad" day a customer complained about how she was being treated and had K talk to her. CW was furious...and was cussing, ranting, etc the norm but the past few months have been really touchy with her...and prolly a few more to go?! There's lots more but I'll leave it at that.

I was so happy to be at work for part of it...I have some regs that are just the best. My #1 custs are Bob and Mary. Oh I love them so! I blogged about them last year some time. They are both deaf. They met at a school for the deaf in the state they are from. They both work there. Bob is the adminstrator there. They are truly amazing and I love every single conversation we have together. Bob loves to fish. Mary loves to scrapbook..but while they are here in the summer she cross-stitches (easier to pack for a travel across several states). They have a cabin here and come every year. I hate it when they go. Last fall all three of us cried and shared lots of hugs and kind/comforting words to each other....I so missed them all winter!!! Bob misplaced my addy...so they couldn't write. I never got theirs..thinking I'll wait till they send mail then reply,kwim. Here is a funny....last month Bob was cleaning out his wallet and found it...I came around the corner and he was so excited...he told me that he must have put it in there so he wouldn't "lose" it,LOL! We all laughed. BUTTTTT I am dreading the good bye's in a few short weeks. And I try not to let a day pass when I see them to tell them how much I care for them!

They know me all to well...they know when I have a migraine/headache..even if NO one else does, when I am tired and working too hard, stressed, all that...they have such an amazing amount of senses. I love it. They had inspired me to teach MJ sign language last year...I had her doing lots of signs...then would teach everyone else. But of course they were bored with it. Never mind that it was helping her communicate with us at an earlier age, uh DUH!!! Argh!!

I should be going to bed but I just feel like having a glass of wine and relaxing...got some?! Me either,ugh. I think it will be another Italy night ;)

The sky was so amazing again tonight..wow really breath taking. The other night the stars were so beautiful. I am a sucker for a starry night and/or a beautiful sunset...miss the sunsets at the cabin. I loved sitting on the couch and watching it...the deck area and the log swing are the best spots though...Oooo but then again there is in the pontoon cruising the lake at about 10mph with a glass of wine and some great company :) very relaxing and can be extremely romantic.

Jon Paul has to be to work by 7:30 all week so I will not have one day I can sleep in. I was hoping to tomorrow..no go. H is heading to TC for work...hopefully for a few days...need a break from him. Get very frustrated when he is around so much...but of course now the "game" is back on for him. End hijack.... TJ (jon paul-tiny jon) loves work still so that is good. He has done very well at saving his money. 1/2 of every check is saved. He can spend or do as he wishes with the other 1/2. He is pancake cook all week and loves that!

So for me I guess I get to go for another morning walk in town. When I take him to work I like to walk around town for an hour or two and then get a cappucino. Head home and then I get to clean because NO one else does anything it seems. I have more reports to write for the end of the month hearings tomorrow..sucks.

I almost forgot about some shocking information I found out today. There was a young 15yr old girl that went missing last week in the next county. She was found recently and was supposedly raped, strangled and shot then left for dead. I don't have confirmation on all of this but the source it came from is pretty good...a friend of the grandfather and father. This information is just so sad! The first thing that comes to mind is she is about my kids' age. I couldn't imagine something like that happening to my kids. My heart goes out to the family and I will pray for them...I hope that the guilty person is found and justice is served.

I missed a charity golf today cause I had to work...it was for Dru Sjodin (sp) scholarship fund. Her parents have a home and property here. She was the young ND student that was raped and murdered by a freak. A couple friends were going and I hope there was lots of money raised for the fund.

OK I really must go now....ps sorry my batteries are empty....off to dream of Italy

I was on Angela Daniels blog today and saw her celebrity look alikes and thought it would be fun to give it a try...of course couldn't find the required photo to do it...but this is what I could come up with.

I used another photo and came up with a completely different list of celebs. Fun. Give it a go.

Had a good day. Busy one..but good. The kids and I went to the cabin and had some water fun. Have some pics that I have to upload. Went to grocery store for dinner items..Ms Madelyn fell asleep minutes from the store...thank goodness she woke up in an ok mood..and simply placed her head on my shoulder and said....wowwysh howsh...(rori's house)..she wanted to go back home and go to sleep...LOL NO WAY it was 6 or 6:30..way too early. But she perked right up when she was the pony ride in the store.
Here are some of my fav photos from the day...I will be uploading to slide tomorrow or sunday. But wanted to put some up for now. I just love the first one of Cailey...she is holding some air soft pellets. The boys shoot their guns off of the deck and the pellets fall to the ground. She and MJ thought they were treasures...and they brought such excitement to them both!





































































Cooked dinner...washed dishes...headed back to cabin to go for a pontoon ride, boat ride..and watch the cool fireworks shane lit at the end of his dock at dark. MJ was a bit frightful at first but was overcome with excitement when she saw the lights glistening in the sky. Came home we all had sundae's, got pj's on and vegged. Ms MJ was the first to go out...within 10 minutes..she looks so cute sleeping. Of course TJ, Jesse and Trista are still awake...I have checked 3x and they were to have lights out at 10. Supposedly I didn't tell them they couldn't watch a movie...just lights out. LOL they'll try anything not to go to sleep. Teens!

Isn't this sky amazingly beautiful?!!! The colors are exactly how it looked..no altering,etc. So awesome. The girls reminded me of something I told them a few years ago...
pink skies tonight a sailors delight...pink skies in the morning a sailors warning. Or something like that. It has been a few years since I told them that so I am shocked they recalled it. They are so smart!!


I am tired...and think I will actually head to bed soon. Ya before midnight...wow, eh. Was checking some blogs..was hoping Melody had updated..not since the sixth. No doubt putting the finishing touches in her book...can't wait for it!!!!


























OK so here is a funny one for you...how many people do you think lose their "craptastic" phone down the toilet a year? (NO this isn't my phone...nor have I ever dropped one in a toilet! BUT I know someone who DID, lol!!!) One site gave an estimation of 885,000 people a year. Wow. Here is a clip..In a very bad move, a user of New-York's Metro-North commuter train tried to retrieve the cell phone he just dropped in the train's public toilet yesterday, but he got stuck. Several rescue crews and the "jaws of life" were necessary to set him free... and the cell phone was never retrieved! Since it's not the first toilet & cell phones horror story that I hear, here is my advice if it happens to you, keep in mind that, when a cell phone remains in water for more than a few seconds, chances are the combination of battery and water will have messed the circuitry anyway. Consider this cell phone lost, unless it's a water-proof handset.

For right now this is where I am going....to Italy. Mmmm I can close my eyes and dream of being there. Laying on the warm beach, a handsome man next to me holding my hand and whispering sweet things in my ear. Sipping on an ice cooled drink. No worries. And nothing but time on my hands....ahhhh! This is my dream...well theres more but thats enough for you,hehehe.
Looks absolutely beautiful. Clear skies. Sun shining those warm rays onto my bod. Pretty blue waters....can you hear the waves gently coming on the shore....in the back ground you can hear the romantic italian music...the chatter of the others on the beach. Oh whats that..the life guard is yelling at someone to get back into the swim area...you think he doesn't want to actually go in the water to save someone...may ruin his tanning time..Oh wait..no there is a hot chick he may change his mind. I lie there thinking that it is all surreal...am I daydreaming or am I really here. Yep I am there. Ahhhh.

YES I think I can go to sleep now. Knowing that my dreams will be so amazing, relaxing...on and on. So much for sleeping before midnight...


Ciao bebe

I have much more....even photos. But I have to get my badonka donk butt out of here....Heather is bringing her 4 girls over in about 30 minutes. I will have them until tomorrow.

I am so mad...I had edited tons more onto my last entry....clicked publish and some stupid network error thing came up and deleted all of my edits, argh! Don't have time to add.

Boogie....good day baby cakes...I see you! I love you! How was WEfest?! DH do well? I hear that 2 people died at the rockfest. Scary. But no one killed/died this year at wefest...good! I always worry about that. You know how I am. I hope you are coming to the reunion tomorrow! HUGS

speaking of badonka donk butt...I am hoping to have time to complete a LO about "booty" by the end of the weekend....a challange from I think the eves?! Now I will have to find it again. And the photos...were from yesterday and the day before...tubing...dinner and then the park. I am sure I will have loads more tonight after having the girls. Tita wants to go tubing...so we'll see what I can do...holding a 2yr old in my lap and drive the boat. Hmm will think long and hard about that one!

Ro out........

THE FREEDOM WRITERS DIARY
If you want to watch a very good movie you must rent Freedom Writers. Patrick Dempsey (grey's anatomy) and Hillary Swank play in it. I watched it very early this morning..I am thinking of watching it again today...

The movie is based on the book The Freedom Writers Diary. A book I must find!!! The movie is a story of inner-city kids raised on drive-by shootings and hard-core attitude...and a teacher who gives them the one thing they need most: a voice of their own. Teacher Erin Gruwell fights an uncaring school system in the fight to make the classroom "matter" in her students' lives. As they tell their own stories and hear the stories of others a group of supposedly "unteachable" teens discovered the power of tolerance and reclaim their shattered lives and change the world.

I think it is amazing. I am so touched that Erin Gruwell actually "taught" her students. Something I truly feel that many teachers do not do. She could see that the ways she was taught to teach kids would not work with every student. She adjusted her teaching skills into a form that she knew they would understand...that is caring, that is teaching. I feel that teachers have to do more than just lecture, give out tests and take attendance. They MUST have a heart...the first in many more things I think they should have...see the movie or read the book to understand. Keep your negative comments to your self about MO, thanks! (as mentioned before if you don't like what you read, what I write..TOO BAD this is not your blog, not your life, not your thoughts, not your anything! So don't go bashing me for expressing my thoughts and opinions, kwim)

It really touched my heart. I have worked with some kids that would fit perfectly in this movie. Some I have been able to get through to..others not. It is the others that rip my heart out because I feel I did not do my job right. I give my heart and soul to every..and I mean EVERY kid that I work with. When they succeed I succeed. I have some stories I could tell....but won't just now.

Erin found herself in her first teaching job. In a world she knew little of. But was quick to understand. In room 203 kids were taught about tolerance. Many of the est 150 students she taught for their freshman-senior year were the first in their families..first in generations to graduate high school.

Check out these sites:
http://www.freedomwriters.com/the-freedom-writers-diary.html

http://www.freedomwritersfoundation.org/site/c.kqIXL2PFJtH/b.2259975/k.BF19/Home.htm

http://www.freedomwritersfoundation.org/atf/cf/{54DFEA61-B648-4A02-9C8D-C0B5D23FA780}/FREEDOM%20WRITERS%20DIARY%20SUMMARY.PDF

Just got home. It is wed nite and is my usual wed date nite with my bestest best friend,lol. We went out to dinner. OMG I SO stuffed my face...I had a JUMBO margarita, order of nachos, a slice of quesadia, salad, beef burrito, a root beer and a big glass of water...Oh ya and of course FRIED ICE CREAM!! My fav!

Then we headed over to another place (ewww) to watch my sista and her friends sing karoake. Have pics...but battery went dead and can't find my charger, argh. We had fun for the most part. Inside thing here....hey you...don't forget to wash your hands after you put the quarter in the slot machine,ROFLOL!!!!!! My stomach still hurts from laughing so hard. And make up...who needs it right...half of it came off as I wiped the tears rolling off of my face as * put the quarter in the slot,hahaha! What a person would do for a dare,lol.

I was headed to see another friend after..but no answer on phone so here I am. I have to work in the am any how. Alarm is set for 6 already. So worked out good...besides we...nah, delete!

A lot has happened since my last post...I got another reply from JQ...he & Melody had tears rolling down my face. You both are amazing. I will continue to pray for each of you and your families. Thank you both so much...I am going to print the messages and keep them in my journal so I can use them in my new chapter of life. In fact yesterdays journal entry was about you two. I'll share another time though. (((HUGS)))

Ooo and my netflix will be in tomorrow. I have off on friday...but will have heathers girls from about 1pm until saturday. We have a family reunion on saturday and I will bring them with. Then heather will meet us there. Then I work sat night of course. When don't I work.

I watched premananition last night...not sure what I thought of it just yet? I will say that the ending..wow! Ugh, wow.

Oh ya and I have TONS of photos from today. My nephews, their cousin & one of the boys friend and my boys all wanted to go ski/tube. So we headed to cabin. 3 out of the 5 got up on a wake board. The others wanted to tube when they saw how difficult it was to get the wake board up. Tubing...oh goodness...I hope the photos turn out. There should be some GOOD crash pics, jumps, etc. Need to find my charger.

PS & CS did I mention you two rock! PS I think I figured out the song.

Oh my I better get to bed it's almost midnight. I will say a prayer for you all. For now I will let down my hair get some beauty sleep and await my oh so sweet dream.

OK so I was tagged by reading Rani's blog....check it out here...http://www.scrapyoga.typepad.com/ What fun!



We have to post these rules before we give you the facts:
Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves. People who are tagged write their own blog post about their eight things and include these rules.



Love me or hate me.....here is my "tag"

1) I can't touch meat..OMG it disgusts me so. I will vomit. I am not really a huge meat eater because of my thoughts. I can do without meat for a meal NO problemo! If I accidentally touch it while cooking I will not even eat it. Ack! Just thinking about it makes me sick!!!!!!! NEXT!

2) I hate hights. So afraid. Here is the stupid thing...I want to go bungy jumping and sky diving!! I really do. I think it would be a HUGE adrenaline rush!

3) I am a freak about shoes...I love them and buy them often but I fear wearing them. I don't want to scuff them etc. My $200 pr of Nine West black leather boots are my fav.

4) I eat cookie dough. Yes that is right I eat it. Got a problem with it? Usually it doesn't make it into an actual cookie...it just goes into the tummy, Mmmm! Ohhh cake mix too!!!

5) I always wear polish on my toe nails...don't know why? I think cause I usually wear some sort of open toe shoe and I like the classier look of a painted nail? How fugly is it to stare at toes, ewwww! Especially if they are ugly? Why not dress them up a bit!!

6) I only like wearing victoria secret bras. Love that store! Ahhhh how I need to visit Victoria!

7) I HAVE to have the clothes in order of color, type etc... the photo only shows a very small portion of my closet...in the first set of doors. I have my pants, skirts, jackets, dresses and suits in the other end and then the smaller closet inside has all of my shoes, etc. I also have to have my socks, bras and panties in certain ways too. They have four5 shelves that have baskets filled with them in neat order.

8) I love skull & cross bone stuff...just reminds me of the rebellious side of me maybe? I love it!! I have this one shirt that is my fav...it is pink with b&w skull cross bone on it...the new Rusty Pickel line "Pirate Princess" with this stuff if freakin awesome...Oooo and also creative imagination had some stuff that I love too!! I love the flowers for the eye sockets on the RP!!!! Hell ya! It is just SO me and my attitude that I keep hidden from peeps. My sista HATES the stuff and she just doesn't understand me,lol. She has banned her high school aged kids from ever wearing anything with it. Says it reminds her of death,LOL! They love it. My boys have TONS of shirts with them on! Freedom of personal expression, thank you! And I openly express my love for it! :) So there!!

9) Even though I have the rebellious side I am a true down to earth girl. The girl next door. The caring and thoughtful one who would give her whole heart. Some times it is to the wrong peeps. I continue to learn this the hard way. I give too much of my self and that can be a huge problem. Can't explain the behavior if I don't get it myself! I chatted with a dear friend yesterday who made some very good points to recall for my future references on this very subject....thanks

10) I am a christian. I believe. One would usually never know it because of my behavior or lack there of..and I do not attend church any more. See an earlier post for a tiny little idea. It kills me. Spoke with a dear friend for 2.5hrs last week about this subject..and I hope to check out his church some time soon. He has some things he wants to share with me and can't wait. Music, podcasts, book, notes,etc. He plans on going back to school here very soon...he wants to become a teacher...a religous teacher...not a pastor,etc but in a different way he said. Have much more on this but this is a tag..and will not hijack it any longer!

Now on for the tag...

If your reading this entry..made it to the end, lol...you are now TAGGED! Gotcha!! So post the tag on your blog making sure to post the rules first...

EDITED AND ADDED FROM 7/31/07...was never posted

Sbee..........Thank you so very much for sharing the link to Melody's podcast. Others you MUST check it out....I will post a link at the end of the post...

OMG what a great day I have had. Such a happy one and I have so many people to thank for making it a happy day. I am seriously thinking of starting a gratitude journal again. I love to be able to go back and read past entries. You learn so much...gosh where to even begin.


First I just got home...about 11:45..ya it is late. Had a beer and eats with 2 amazing people! I only had one..they had more. You two rock...honestly I love that you make me laugh. I am so very thankful and truly blessed to have you in my life. I was shocked by some. And had to just laugh it off and tell my self...it's the booze,LOL. You know like "booze dancing"...Wedding Crashers. Can be funny to hear all that comes out of someones mouth that you may not normally hear..but the booze just lets it flow. I think that some people can be more honest with a drink or two in them. Babble...babble...any how...thanks for making me laugh and forget the bad. I will say that the 2hrs seemed like so much more...and I mean that in a GOOD way not a negative!!! I had fun. It really feals good to just put things aside for a bit..even if only for an hour or two.

I am so excited that I have just checked my emails for the second time today (shocking I know,lol) but I got SO much email love! Awww I am so touched by each and every one of you. Thank you all so much for your amazing words of encouragement, support on many things, love, thoughts and so much more. HUGS to you all!! But the decision to close was a hard one...and I feel it is in the best interest of my family at this time..so your support of that is so heart warming! I have to tell you about a few of the emails....

Laura....girl I think I may take you up on your *freebie*. This woman is phenomenal...gosh what 8 kids, a sexy DH (still love your sexy back LO,hehehe) life coach and much more. She has the biggest heart. I am thankful to call her my friend. I loved her emails I love that we have such an amazing amount of faith, love and support for each other, thank you. I look forward to our phone conversation regarding new life/single strategies ;)

JQ aka Justin the Chatterbox Fox (ya I did a LO of it,hehehe CBX even featured it on their blog and Melody (melody's sofa) has the photo blown up and in the CBX office....end hijack....JQ dang he is such an awesome man. He has this energy that is just WOW. Everyone loves him...the ladies at CHA and on the other end of the phone line...Oooo and Aaaa over him,lol. If you all know him you know exactly what I am talking about! Babble...babble....END. We haven't had contact in a while and I emailed him about Mels book....Loved his reply. It is so cool that even via his email I was able to recall his amazing sense of spunk, zest for life, energy,etc. Hard to explain I guess but I thought how super he is. He is so personable. So caring & friendly. I Can't wait to see the crew in Annaheim this winter.

Sandi...I just love her too...she is such a doll. I love her and Laura's scrapping, OMG amazing! When I grow up I want to scrap just like you two, LOL! I will have to check out her new site..I wish her the best in her new endeavor. I am so thankful to have had the pleasure of working with her. She was on our DT and was such a huge supporter of TSS.

There are so many to mention but I have opened 94 emails from peeps in the past hour. Wow, thanks and we know we made the right decision to close the business. And I am going to enjoy having extra time on my hands again with no hassle, pressure and all that crap, KWIM.

On to the links to Melody's podcasts....that made me cry. And cry some more. It is amazing how much this woman gives to others her heart, faith and love. Her words have helped me on numerous occasions. Without further babbling....the links....PLEASE check them out!!

http://melodyross.hipcast.com/deluge/863bfb4c-3460-ad98-9475-e60aebbd1bb6.mp3 & you can find the second one on her blog....look over there for her blog link....Melody's Sofa----> It is on the right side Podcast 2. Both are so touching they made me cry. The link above is the first Four Wings Podcast. I have listened to these podcasts several times now...have it playing as I type.

deleted...I can say that one day I will be able to share my bad story. Just not now.

Stay with me...a story of a family. A book you MUST purchase when it is released.

Hear all good. See all good. Say all good.

Unconditional love:


unconditional >adjective not subject to any conditions. -DERIVATIVES unconditionally >adverb.


love >noun 1 an intense feeling of deep affection. 2 a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone. 3 a great interest and pleasure in something. 4 a person or thing that one loves. 5 (in tennis, squash, etc.) a score of zero. [apparently from the phrase play for love (i.e. the love of the game, not for money).] >verb 1 feel love for. 2 like very much. 3 [loving] showing love or great care. -PHRASES love me, love my dog proverb if you love someone, you must accept everything about them, even their faults or weaknesses. make love 1 have sexual intercourse. 2 (make love to) dated pay amorous attention to. there's no love lost between there is mutual dislike between. -DERIVATIVES loveless >adjective lovingly >adverb. -ORIGIN Old English, related to leave2.




Very strong, powerful words that I value very highly in a friend, family and partner. This is something that must be valued from both sides......sad to say that it is not valued by my H.

I do have many friends over the years that do value this and do love me as I do love them unconditionally. It is these very friends that I can rely on to get me through some tough times. This morning was one of those times.

I have an amazing friend, Jaq. Jaq has been there for me since we were in the 4th grade. Through marriages on the playgrounds, good and bad friend(s) that has done the unthinkable to us or shall I say our SO's, births, marriages, deaths, the many happy and sad times in your life as you grow up, through our teen years, party years, rebellious times, seen the good and bad relationships, omg so much. We have shared so much together over the years. I would have a hole in my heart if she were to ever leave my life.


We may not talk every day. But we are still close at heart. She is there for me in the time of need and I for her. This morning I needed her. I knew she would be one who would understand what was going on as much as I could make sense of it that is. confusing I know...I am confused too.

This morning as Jaq hugged my trembling body, wiping the uncontrolable tears that were forming niagra falls as they fell off of my face she was THERE for me once again. There when I needed someone there who would JUST listen to me without PO. She was there for me unconditionally. She told me repeatedly that it was OK now, she loves me and that she is ALWAYS there for me when ever I need her...9am, midnight...4am what ever the day or the time that she is a loyal friend and that she doesn't need to understand anything other than the fact that I am hurting. And when I hurt she hurts. When I cry she cries...and this morning her SO also cried with me, with us, for me. He is a doll. He too is very supportive of me and my children. She is my safe harbor if you will. I am giong to move on...can't share the rest right now.

Unconditional love is something I have never had with my H. It kills. Has always hurt. But that is to be expected when you love someone who doesn't love you.

Why is it so hard for someone to just listen to your words without hearing their HO? Honestly I find myself doing the same thing sometimes..but it is hard sometimes. BUT sometimes I NEED to just here "it's OK, I am here for you right now"...so much more on this subject..but no time. Imagine that!

crap gotta go!!!!!!

August 1, 2007
A catastrophic structural fault on 35w bridge that crosses the Mississippi River has caused the bridge to collapse into the river and on to businesses located under the bridge during rush hour.

10:41 PM the reports are that so far 7 people are dead. 38 hurt. Unknown how many people may be missing. Traffic was bumper to bumper and traveling over the bridge on two lanes due to construction. The entire 4 lane road is in the river. The authorities feel that there is not near as many people involved as could have been and the construction cut back how many people could have been on the bridge.

One construction worker is missing. He was part of a 18 man crew. 17 have made it to safety. Three of the 18 were hospitalized. And several others were treated for minor injuries.

The photos, videos and reports are all very disturbing. I have cried. I have prayed. I have made calls. I have relatives who travel this road.

The cell phone towers are so busy with the added calls due to the collapse that they area dropped and/or unable to be used.

This type collapse has haunted me for years. I have feared being in a collapse like this. I have dreamed of being in accidents like this. I have such a fear of bridges collapsing over water, trains going on the bridges and me traveling under it, etc and have had many horrific times traveling. My very close friends and my family know this. I have panic/anxiety attacks if I come to a bridge like the above mentioned. Crying. Letting go of the wheel while driving. And completely freeze, can't move my body, can't breathe, OMG so much more.

So seeing this and hearing about it is so devasted.....A Father frantically swimming in the water trying to locate his son..OMG this pains me so. Family desperately trying to contact their loved ones to confirm their safety. Pregnant woman hauled in to ER by gurney..Lord I pray for her and her unborn child. A young teenand his bus driver took charge and helped get the other 60 kids on the bus out and to safety as it sat on a slab of the collapsed bridge that was on the brink of going into the river..... I can imagine how the many people felt as they sit in traffic on the bridge as the bridge collapsed.

The bridge was built in 1967. Approximately 140,00 people travel on this bridge/road a day.

At 10:52 Minneapolis Fire Chief Jim Clack said the death toll could rise. He said officials could see at least 50 vehicles in the water."We think there are several more vehicles in the river we can't see yet," he said, adding that the likelihood of finding survivors was slim.

News anchors are reporting that they just can't believe that the videos and photos we continue to see is really MPLS, MN...that it looks as though it is somewhere else, some where an earthquake has happened.

Hearing the reporters voices, hearing the fear in their voices...ugh wow.

11:23 Based on the number of people calling in to report their loved ones are not home and unreachable that the State Patrol has concluded that there is now at least 20 people missing.

11:27 Sister of the West family of 4 called in to report that all four of her sisters family members were affected by the collapse. The 2 daughters have back fractures. Father at NM also has fractures to back. Mother has massive head trauma and her condition is very grave.

River search is called off until tomorrow. Almost 70 injured.

Wow. This is surreal. I can't put my thoughts into words right now. I will go to bed with a very heavy heart tonight. I will again pray for all those affected by this tragic collapse. My heart goes out to all. http://wcco.com/topstories/local_story_213191448.html

Check out the podcast at this link:

http://melodyross.hipcast.com/deluge/863bfb4c-3460-ad98-9475-e60aebbd1bb6.mp3

Another morning home. It was nice to be able to sleep in until 7. Once again someone changed my name on the schedule and replaced it with theres. The person got a few choice words...but in the end I took it off any how because I have been feeling like crap.

I have had a migraine for 2days and of course I woke up with it again today. May have to go in for a shot. Nothing seems to be taking it away or even the reducing it. Stress is usually the cause of them for me. Then of couse the ulcers act up too. WTF. I am to blame. I let way too many things upset me.

When I start working out again I will not get near as many. I eliminate most of my stress by working out. I can't wait for Any time fitness to be open in town. I will be a regular :) and hopefully get in shape again. Once I am back in shape I will feel better physically and mentally.

Finally a break through...just talked to "x aka Veni, Vidi, Vici" and we are heading out of town for the day..hopefully tomorrow. I can feel some relief already, ahhhh! Chica I will call you tonight after work to let you know what I found out. Ohh playmakers has some stuff going on this wkd..well when don't they...any how...we could go there after the movie. Oh that one show with Adam Sandler and the guy from king of queens is showing. Not sure of the name but it's where they are acting as a gay couple, kwim? Anything with adam is funny. And we both know how we need a good laugh :) Hey check out the just for laughs on the right side. should put a smile on your face. PS we must go to Abercrombie, Gap, American Eagle, HL Ooo and Scrapnook or Kay's scrap store cause I need a few things scrap related.

Besides CHA stuff should be showing up soon!!!! With the closing of our scrap business I will start shopping again :) kwim? It is bitter sweet. Sweet because I have already noticed the amount of time that I will start to have as "free" time again, time with my family, etc and I will be able to start scrapping again. Bad cause now I will have to start paying full price for stuff, eek. That will be a shocker!

But I did say that starting in August I will be eliminating things, work, business, events, people any and all things that have been causing me stress. I have to start living life for me and my boys again. Not living for everyone else.

My problem is that I have too big of a heart. I hate to tell peeps NO. I will help others even if it sets me back. I like to make peeps happy because it makes me happy. Many more. But I am really suffering because of it and the stress of my DA and God only knows what he has gotten him self...or US (meaning the boys and I) into? I swear he is out for himself and that's it..and doesn't care that his bad decisions cause pain and suffering on US. Maybe he doesn't get it? Maybe that is part of his mental disorder I think he has,LOL!

Well I am off to figure out how to put my music playlist on this dang thing. Catch ya later

Once again I am awake when I should be sleeping. I have been up since about 3am. My stomach is killing me. I didn't eat much yesterday cause most foods are upsetting. The stress is just unbearable at times. I have headaches/migraines...one right now, ulcers and am aging more than I should and it is all from the stress in my life.

I have got to get rid of the stress before it kills me! It doesn't help that I am a person who tends to worry all the time. To the point that I get sick..got that from my grandmother.

Miami is sounding like the place we want to be! I am sure the boys will love living there. And the only thing to say is....WHEN do we leave! Oh ya there is a DA stopping me...but that can be fixed. Just not easy even if I take the easy way out. But once we move there at least I will have family there :)

I am so tired!! I want to sleep. Why can't I just tell my brain to go to sleep. I hate it. This morning (3am) I was awaken by the dang dog falling off the back of the couch onto my chest with a thump. After I got her situated I rolled over to go back to sleep. As I closed my eyes I immediately thought of the day before and all the things that took place and I felt a sense of rage. How dare he put us in harms way. I know you don't know what I am talking about. I don't know what the eff is going on either I just know that where BJs name is involved it is NOT ever good. Gosh who did I ever think I was? His wife. Someone who should know everything about him? OMG! What a tard! I have a H and I don't know who he is. I know very little about him. I know he loves to ski, snowmobile and leave us all the time. That is it!! And I hate not knowing what the heck is going on when it has everything to do with our children and my self. It may not be directed toward us but it will affect us...as it always does.

delete........too effed up.

OMG what a hectic morning so far. I went to bed after my entry. But of course a gazillion and one things were on my mind and I couldn't sleep. So it was prolly 2hrs later when I finally fell asleep. Then up at 4:35 and couldn't go back to sleep. Finally got out of bed at 5am and started cleaning the house.

I took TJ to work. ...Left at 7:15 and it was already 77degrees outside. Can you believe it. So muggy, etc. Yuck!

I just finished all of the house chores. Jess Man mowed the lawn for 2.5hrs. Now I must get the sprinkler going before the sun comes out. I have about 3 loads of laundry to do...seems as though the 3 boys of the house waited until after I thought I was done cleaning to bring me their laundry, argh. Then DH or DA as I call him...wants me to iron pants and a shirt for him, ROFLOL!!!!!!!!!! WTF!!!! I don't think so. If he had asked or even helped out with things today.. I may have considered it. But his mouth, attitude, rudeness, and just plain old disrespect towards me and our children has me so hurt. And there is only one thing I want! A vacation and I won't go to dallas, kwim.

The house looks amazing...and smells even better. I love a clean house!!! Too bad for me that I live under the same roof with a slob who feels it is my duty to him to clean up after him. Didn't you know I married a God, lol. Ya.

Sorry for all the attitude lately but I am so fed up with crap. I have to let some of it out some where...OMG I am so filled with it my eyes turned brown,LOL!

I am still not finished with the other entry that is to go with the music over there---------> love me or hate me. Sorry! Been busy YK.


Oooooo I checked out a few blogs early this am and Christy T was pimping her sista/sil. She designed some awesome felt embellies!! I went to her store site and bought some. I can't wait for them to show up. Thanks Christy!!! You rock! Not sure what the deal with some of the blogs though....they won't let me comment even though I am logged in. They just keep refreshing the pages. You know like I keep hitting "f5" but I am not. Not all sites just a few. Who knows!

OMG I am so stoked about seeing the girls!!! My little MJ is going to come running full force for some sug, sug. (sugar) I love her hugs and kisses. She is so beautiful. The perfect little girl. Heather knows I wish she were my little girl...the little girl I have always dreamed of having but can never have. Well unless I met, fell in love with, and married another person and adopted. Because God had other intentions for me and my own body. But that is ok because at least I am alive and living a life with my boys! Much more than I can say for how close to death I once was. Thank God for GOOD DR's!

Man does that bring back some terrible memories!! But I know I learned a lot while I was in hell (7 surgeries in 9mo along with treatment and many dr visits) I will say that while my many, many visits to Roger Marris Cancer Center I saw many people come and go. Young and old. The one that stands out the most was a little 4yr old girl. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about her. She had the most amazing spirit. She was always happy. Always had a smile on her face. And trust me these peeps go through MANY days feeling like crap!!!! She was the most beautiful bald headed girl in the world! She had these amazing blue eyes that just had so much love in them.

Till this day I never found out if she went into remission or not? If she is alive or dead? But one thing I do know is that when she was there she lifted the heavy spirits of everyone there. I would sit in my lounge chair worrying about whether I was going to feel well enough to drive my self home (1.5hrs home) after. I would arrive at about 10 am and wouldn't leave until about 6 or 7pm. So it was hard for someone to take a full day off from work to drive me. And ended up driving my self most of the time. As I lay there stressing out...I would hear her purky little voice coming in I would purk up a bit. she always cheered me up. And all it took was her smiling face and simple little HI in her cute little voice. It was amazing that she was the youngest one there and the happiest one too. Most everyone else had a TERRIBLE attitude. And I am a firm believer that bad attitude doesn't cure you...only makes it worse.

YOUR THOUGHTS BECOME YOUR LIFE...
1) Ask
2) Believe
3) Receive

Believe you will get well and be healthy and it will happen....take my DH for instance. When he got Guillain-Barre Syndrome...they said he can't walk, talk, feed himself and every other normal thing for who knows how long. He wouldn't believe it. He was determined he would fully recover in weeks not months/years like dr's said. He did. 3 wks later he left the rehab floor and headed home...lots of help from me. But did a 95% turn around that amazed the dr's.

Anyhow after all the babbling I need to get my badonka donk out of here! Heather and the girls already called 2x...are you coming yet they said! LOL! Later~

OMG I actually scrapped today!!! I honestly feel SO good. It was great. I had some mojo and some free time.

Heather and the girls are going to be around tomorrow. I have the day off surprisingly. So we will get chores done in the morning before it hits 80 we hope. Then head to the beach to meet her and Carol along with both of their kids. Will be fun.

I miss the girls so much! I hate that they are gone to their Fathers for the summer. It's great they get to spend time with them but then we don't get to see them :(

I am so tired. It was another busy day at work. Of course. I am stressed about some things that are just really getting to me. DH is a total effer. Some schtuff going on tomorrow that is serious but I know nothing. And it is not my business to know he says, Ya F you! That's ok I am only your WIFE! What ever. D that's all I gotta say! Can't be soon enough. I am sure I can read the wed paper to find out. Pathetic I can't find out from my own husband. And that his ex-fling I am sure knows everything....not too sure it is his EX if you KWIM?!?!?! WTF. Other wise..oh forget it! It's a waste of my air!!!!!

Maybe I should just move away. My kids would love to move to Europe they said. That would be awesome!!

OH GREAT guess who just pulled in the drive way, ugh! Don't want to deal with his sorry ass tonight. enter many cuss words!!! I don't have anything nice to say about the man right now. Guess I better go to bed so I don't have to deal with him....

I'll update again tomorrow...I have another entry partially done just need to upload photos to slide.com and finish the end of it.

Ciao

Well the day is finally over for me...and another one is just beginning, ugh!! Insert a huge sigh here...! It is now 12:39 AM. That's right it is now the 20th of July. I am beat. But lots of things on my mind and am not tired enough for bed. Ever happen to you?

I got my netflix movie in the mail...A night at the museum. Interesting. It was cute. I forgot what I have in que though?! Hmm will find out when it comes! I know, I know...I watched a movie...your as shocked as I am!! I got home around 10:30 from work and the boys were excited to hear me say you can stay up and watch it with me. I absolutely loved sitting with them and enjoying the movie. We laughed and had silly comments etc. It was PERFECT!!!! I miss spending time with them.

And it was hard to believe that my sweet little Twinkle Toes left me and my blanket alone the entire movie. I commented on it and Jesse said oh that's because she got into the garbage and she put her self on kennel time out,LOL!!! Honestly! Star is a hoot. She knows when she is doing wrong and you can always tell when she is too. She has her tail down and ears back with her head hanging low and she will NOT make eye contact with you. She knows she wil be scolded and told she is on a kennel time out..and off she must go.

The play time in the water this afternoon was fun...we ran the nautique out of gas. Well close enough...the line was below the E mark, hehehe! DH will be pissed when he sees it...but it was SO worth it. I will upload some photos later if I have time...I am getting tired. Sleepy tired. I brought the camera in hopes of taking photos...ya that's a bit difficult when your the boat driver,LOL. So the photos are ones that the kids took and I have some major editing to do on them. You can tell which ones they took....they will be the ones of the kids in the tube...with the water spraying...and I know they got a few on shore area too...I heard the camera clicking away when I was on the floating device..not sure what it is but it's my fave floater :) Will have to finish uploading the pics while I am in the shower in a few hours. Or maybe now and they can upload while I sleep, hehe!

For now I will leave you with a photo of the beautiful sign our neighbor two doors down from cabin made to greet everyone passing by. He is so nice. It's just so sweet of him to think of all the little kids walking by, riding bikes and 4wheelers past. Or the little old lady down the circle...maybe giving her a heart attack. Matt, Ken and Jesse were in Matt's car ahead of me and they stopped in the middle of the corner and were pointing in the direction of the sign. Or so I thought...but they were really pointing to picture #2 that was behind the trees the sign was in front of, LOL. But Jon, Luke and I thought they were showing us the sign. Amazing what kind of questions came after that!!

What a crazy man he is...this is the same freak who used to peep in my windows all the time. Have a telescope and binaculars watching me from his house. Then when we moved to the new place he started to watch the neighbor girls and their mother. He used to follow me. I would go out for a early morning run and he would just show up around the corner or something freaky and tell me all kinds of crazy stories about people trying to attack him and that he carried a screw driver in his back pocket so that he can kill them if they ever came after him...OMG!!!!! WTF!!! He is a freak! No one has seen his old mother in over 1.5yrs..I have wondered if he killed her and she is packed in his freezer or something?! Ahhh!! WE stay VERY clear of him!!!!!!! Check out the photos though it is too funny! Oh BTW this is NOT the level 3 sex offender...of which YES he is back and I have been getting the stare downs as I drive past...OMG he looks so freaky!!!

OMG it is a few minutes before 2AM. I have had my mind on somethings and keep getting distracted....edit photos...think...type a few things here...distraction..getting the picture?! And 1.5hrs has passed, ugh. Where is my Prince? I thought I was going to be rescued from my stone tower. Sleeping no doubt where I must be going.....I am sure my babbling has made you sleepy too!!! Night. Or good morning. How ever you want to take it?

I am happy to say that I have had a lazy morning! I have not accomplished any thing in particular that I can think of. Feels great to do nothing at all!!

It is a great change from what it's been lately. But won't be for long. I pull a double shift tomorrow and have truancy work for about an hour in between the two shifts. So I will leave the house at 6:15am and will not arrive back home until probably 10:30PM. It will be a LONG ASS day!! So I don't feel guilty for being lazy today!

I lurked through 2ps photography gallery to get some tips on my upcoming senior photo shoots. Wow there is some effen talent there! I am also trying to come up with some ideas for a family photo shoot. The shoot will be my sista and her 4 beautiful girls. I usually take their shots around end of july...and hard to believe that it is almost here.

I hope to have more time on my hands in August?! I only have one day of court for truancy and one truancy meeting at end of August. OMG it will be SO very nice to not have to stress about that too. I have found my self saying "I can't wait for school to start" . I know beginning in November I will have only one job and hopefully NO committments of any sort any where. So I will be able to have time to scrap and focus more on photography!!!! I can't wait. I so need some major scrap therapy.

Eliminating several things has been a tough decision but it is necessary if I want to be happy. If I want to become healthy again. I want me back. I want my family back...my kids are so needing me. I need them. I hate that I have been working so much and have not been there for them like a mother should. I hate that todays mothers must be Wonder Woman!! I am not kidding. You MUST be infallible. Where the hell are the real men? OK so here is the thing women today must be the Mother. The Maid. The mediatior. Then go out and work a full time job...some more than one job. Taxi driver. Sports mother. Grounds keeper. Gardener. FRICK I could go on and on!!!!!! Well where the HELL is the MOTHERS time? How do women do it? The balancing act of a working mother.

It has been 2mos since I scrapped. I am afraid to tell you that I have lost my mojo. I lost if for numerous reasons.......
One, I lost my focus on why I began scrapbooking in the first place (my kids, family, friends and I loved it)
Second, it became a job. I began having to scrap for others to fit their magazine calls, or for magazine editors who wanted specific items, or having to create things for a new kit, contests...ya many of my creations have won but do you think my future generation will care that I won $, products, or designer spots because of the LO I created for them which really wasn't created for them and was just a creation to fulfill the demands kwim...or for everything other than me and my family.
Third, I began to stress out about what I was scrapping. The photos were no longer good enough...you know the ones..just the regular snapshots that millions around the world have. They became shots I hated..honestly disgusted me and could NOT scrap them. They had to have more meaning..better quality..more focus...tell a story with just the photo. I blame my photography skills improving..LOL!!
Fourth, are you seeing the big picture here? Basically scrapbooking does nothing but stress me out for the past 6mo and I am fed up with it. I have to eliminate some things in my life in order to get back on track in many areas of my life...not just scrapbooking!

Part of my honesty thing I posted yesterday was about the above mentioned along with many other things like my relationship with my DH or lack thereof. There isn't one. Nor has there been one in a very long time. I can't live this way much longer. I need to move on to the next chapter in my life..no matter what that may be. I have never been an equal to him nor will I ever be. He lives a bachelor life. I live the working mother life trying to be the mother and father, the enforcer, the advisor, the every thing! He has a life that I know nothing of. And he is happy that way.

I may not have the best family in the world or the family I would have chosen if allowed. But you know what I LOVE THEM. Each and everyone. I love them for them. Faults. Perfections. What ever it may be. But I love them unconditionally without boundaries. I have lost many friends because of him. He didn't like them so I wasnt' allowed to be friends with them. For years I allowed it. Now I simply ignore his demands. Or fight for my rights.

I am a very strong person and can't believe that I have allowed my life to be controlled for years. But love is blind. I do love him. I still can't believe that I do. He has never been my ideal mate. Let alone a soul mate. I have never been physically attracted to him. I have never thought that he was attractive. I met him at a very rough time in my life and I fell in love with his heart. I have always been attracted to the caring loving person that I fell in love with. But for him I was a challange. I was WAY out of his league and he knew it. So I became a challange to see if he could win. He used to say he was playing for keeps. Well I was wrong..he was wrong....gotta move on or this could be years of typing!!!

I also talked about religion. How I have lost my faith to some extent. I endured a horrific (to me) experience with one of my pastors and have not gone to church since the incidents. It kills me. I still believe in God. I wanted to become a member at another church but I think that my Grandmother will have a cow if I do that or so she says, ugh! Lots more on this in my mind, oy vey!!

Gotta run my nephews just arrived. I am taking them and the boys to the cabin for a couple hours before I head to work for the evening! Man they have grown. jr, sophmore and 7th graders this year...wow.

OK gotta run 5 boys are getting rowdy!

Later........hugs!